alter ego~allana
09.12.2006.
Anorexia Nervosa
*no food tastes as good as punishment feels*
They call Her Anorexia Nervosa. I'm not quite sure if I know what She is or even is She my friend or my enemy... Or do I have a completely different disorder...?!
I do not feel any hunger, but I know I must eat to survive... So I try... And most of my efforts are just in vain. I ate an apple a few days ago and got sick. I thaught maybe I got sick because the apple was bad?! so I tried with some bread - still nothing... I drink a lot of water, vitamins and I really try to eat. I really, really try to eat. But She just won't let me! Yesterday I got sick by only smelling the stentch of a pizza my friend was eating in the nearby room.
I'm constantly cold, my hands are like ice, I'm always thirsty and my throat feels like it's filled with thousands of knives. I'm weak and always sleepy.
Hunger? No hunger. And even if I do eat - the food is evil and tasteless...
*sticks and stones can break her bones
but calling her names can make her starve herself to death*
What is wrong with me?
I broke up with my girlfriend a week ago. I'm not in love anymore. I do not feel anything. I'm empty. Broken from the inside. I feel like I don't belong. I don't even need sex anymore...
I feel like a doll that has been played with, broken and left in the toy box that nobody even opens anymore. A hollow, old, plastic doll surrounded by new ones - but they can't help me because they never leave my box, anyway!
Timmy: Mommy, my doll is broken!
Mother: Throw it away!
*But I love her, I don't want to... I'll just put her in this box that I use for the toys I don't like...*
...
Me, the broken doll: Help me! I do not belong here!
All the other toys: Don't worry, we'll get help!
*But noone ever opens this box...?!*
*skin and bone*
I hope I'll still be here tomorrow, full and healthy!
|
*no food tastes as good as punishment feels* They call Her Anorexia Nervosa. I'm not quite sure if I know what She is or even is She my friend or my enemy... Or do I have a completely different disorder...?! I do not feel any hunger, but I know I must eat to survive... So I try... And most of my efforts are just in vain. I ate an apple a few days ago and got sick. I thaught maybe I got sick because the apple was bad?! so I tried with some bread - still nothing... I drink a lot of water, vitamins and I really try to eat. I really, really try to eat. But She just won't let me! Yesterday I got sick by only smelling the stentch of a pizza my friend was eating in the nearby room. I'm constantly cold, my hands are like ice, I'm always thirsty and my throat feels like it's filled with thousands of knives. I'm weak and always sleepy. Hunger? No hunger. And even if I do eat - the food is evil and tasteless... *sticks and stones can break her bones but calling her names can make her starve herself to death* What is wrong with me? I broke up with my girlfriend a week ago. I'm not in love anymore. I do not feel anything. I'm empty. Broken from the inside. I feel like I don't belong. I don't even need sex anymore... I feel like a doll that has been played with, broken and left in the toy box that nobody even opens anymore. A hollow, old, plastic doll surrounded by new ones - but they can't help me because they never leave my box, anyway! Timmy: Mommy, my doll is broken! Mother: Throw it away! *But I love her, I don't want to... I'll just put her in this box that I use for the toys I don't like...* ... Me, the broken doll: Help me! I do not belong here! All the other toys: Don't worry, we'll get help! *But noone ever opens this box...?!* *skin and bone* I hope I'll still be here tomorrow, full and healthy! |