alter ego~allana
15.05.2007.
~Progress...
It's not like I don't like my body, it's just that I like bones more...
This is how I look now...
I hope you like it! 
Anyway... Wish me luck! I'm planning on loosing 5 more pounds in the next few weeks! I'm still ok, healthy and stuff... That's the most important thing, eh?! There'll be more photos since I've got my camera back! 
currently: eating ice-cream (and some pill that I have to eat with food once a day, for my immune system that crashed a few weeks ago...)
19.01.2007.
bone-o-philia
I'm unable to post my pics cause I've broken my cam. Sorry. :((( I hope it'll get fixed soon...
Anyway, I'm eating almost normally now. 
By almost normally I mean - I eat something! 
But I'm jogging every day, walking a lot, doing situps, excercising and stuff... Sex is also good. It burns about 700 kcal per time... 
Don't ask me how, but I've even gained some weight - from 104 to 108 pounds 
2 fucking pounds more surrounding my beautiful ribs... 
I believe in myself! I can do it! 90 pounds'll be here in no time!
Stay good!
*skin and bone*
20.12.2006.
smoke
I'm looking at my reflection... Through the smoke of my mind I do not look pleasant to myself! 
...
My boyfriend has called three times today. Asking how I was, have I eaten sth...?!
He seemed worried somehow.
Don't worry, baby. I'm doing fine. Just f.i.n.e. ...
*skin and bone*
I hate Them. Calling me names. I dress in somewhat baggy clothes so that my ribs don't show all that much. I love my ribs.
Soon... I'll get a camera and you'll be able to see them for yourselves!
19.12.2006.
Justify My Misery
I miss my body. I miss my love. I miss my heart. I miss my soul. I miss my feelings... I miss my Brother.
You have the most beautiful body my fingers have ever touched... Yet, I'm not satisfied...
...
The painkillers help. But only for a short period of time. The headaches are tearing me into little pieces. I can't sleep, think or live normally. Mommy, help me!
I don't want to go to my doctor, I know what she would do:
Take the pink ones if you do not feel good, take the blue ones if you need to calm down and the white ones are for your sleeping problems.
My boyfriend doesn't help. He tries, though...
My friends argue like I'm not even there; She's stupid, she's to blame!
I'm really doing my best to help me get through this, but I can't do it on my own!
Leave Her!
And maybe She will...
*skin and bone*
I ate a lot today. I feel sick.
09.12.2006.
Anorexia Nervosa
*no food tastes as good as punishment feels*
They call Her Anorexia Nervosa. I'm not quite sure if I know what She is or even is She my friend or my enemy... Or do I have a completely different disorder...?!
I do not feel any hunger, but I know I must eat to survive... So I try... And most of my efforts are just in vain. I ate an apple a few days ago and got sick. I thaught maybe I got sick because the apple was bad?! so I tried with some bread - still nothing... I drink a lot of water, vitamins and I really try to eat. I really, really try to eat. But She just won't let me! Yesterday I got sick by only smelling the stentch of a pizza my friend was eating in the nearby room.
I'm constantly cold, my hands are like ice, I'm always thirsty and my throat feels like it's filled with thousands of knives. I'm weak and always sleepy.
Hunger? No hunger. And even if I do eat - the food is evil and tasteless...
*sticks and stones can break her bones
but calling her names can make her starve herself to death*
What is wrong with me?
I broke up with my girlfriend a week ago. I'm not in love anymore. I do not feel anything. I'm empty. Broken from the inside. I feel like I don't belong. I don't even need sex anymore...
I feel like a doll that has been played with, broken and left in the toy box that nobody even opens anymore. A hollow, old, plastic doll surrounded by new ones - but they can't help me because they never leave my box, anyway!
Timmy: Mommy, my doll is broken!
Mother: Throw it away!
*But I love her, I don't want to... I'll just put her in this box that I use for the toys I don't like...*
...
Me, the broken doll: Help me! I do not belong here!
All the other toys: Don't worry, we'll get help!
*But noone ever opens this box...?!*
*skin and bone*
I hope I'll still be here tomorrow, full and healthy!
26.08.2006.
Digital Bath
You move like I want to
to see like Your eyes do
we are downstairs where
no one can see
new life break away
tonight I feel like more
tonight I...
You make the water warm
You taste foreign
and I know You can see
the cord break away
cause tonight I feel like more
tonight I feel like more
tonight I feel...
feel like more!
You breathed
then You stopped
I breathed then dried You off
and tonight
I feel like more
tonight...
by Deftones
Tonight
I'll give You myself...
To fill
or
to kill...
The choice is Yours!
Is it love
or just sex?
Who decides?
...
You?!
22.08.2006.
TRUCE
You can have Washington, I'll take New Jersey.
You can have London but I want New York City.
I should get Providence, I've got a job now?!
Los Angeles - obvious - that's where You belong now...
You can have Africa, Asia, Australia...
As long as You keep your hands off Cafe Pamplona!
We can split Germany right down the middle!
You'd hate it there anyway,
Take Berlin and we'll call it even.
And if we find out that we have any children
We'll trade them off summers and alternating weekends.
You call it over and I call You psycho!
Significant other?! Just say we were lovers
And we'll call it even!
I am the ground zero ex-friend You ordered
Disgused as a hero to get past Your borders...
I know when I'm wanted, I'll leave if You ask me to!
Mind my own business and speak when I'm spoken to! 
I am the tower around which You orbited...
I am not proud, I am just taking orders!
I fall to the groud within hours of impact! 
I hit back when hit!!!
And attack when attacked!!! 
... ...
You get Route 2 between Concord and Lexington,
I want Mass Ave from the sqaure to my apartment.
And if we should meet through some misunderstanding
I'll be very sweet, very patient and forgiving...
(Now get off my side of the state!)
And if we should see one another in passing,
Despite these techniques, there is sometimes no avoiding...
(There must be some kind of mistake?!)
We'll raise high the white flags and bow heads and shake hands
Declaring the land we're on unamerican!
We'll call it even!
... 
...
I am an accident waiting to happen!
I'm laughing like mad while You strangle the captain! 
My place may be taken, but make no mistake!
From a little black black box I can say without shame
That You've lost!
Do You know what You've lost?
So take whatever You'd like!
I'll strike like the States on fire!!!
You won't sleep very tight!
No hiding!
No safe covers!
Make Your bed and now lie
Just like you always do!
You can fake it for the papers but I'm on to You...! 
The Dresden Dolls
Is this the way You imagined it to be?
Is this the correct version of Your truce?
Are You happy now that I'm polite?
Never again... Nevermore...
And You keep on stabbing my back
Even now that We're already dead...
...
Amanda, You're telling me a fairy-tale...!
24.06.2006.
smile over tears
Looking back on everything
With a smile over tears
What can I say but I'm sorry?
As time takes by
I don't see why should I try, anymore...
Well, I guess this is goodbye
There was a time when I believed in what I said
Once, I believed that what I do will show who I am
Now-all I can say is that I'm not sure of anything
Just wondering
And hoping that the truth won't turn into a lie
If sometimes I fall
Something keeps on pulling me further down...
Something's strugglin' deep inside of me
Like my memories are trying to break free
Like a history-don't want to be forgotten
It's so clear but I can't see
As time was standing still
I found myself thinkin' of you-again
Looking over your shoulder-do you see
I'm being victimised by your rality?
Don't you realize you're pullin' me down with you?!
Constantly, determent not ot be
Caught in the middle of this
Close but far away
Like damned
Sick and tired of lies
I am STILL!
19.06.2006.
Ill Nino~Confesion (all mixed up)
You always think that you are right... 
This page will turn and you'll regret it
Everything you ever promised to not do you did
How could you let us split in two?!
I was just another game so fuck you!
...
You think you're so right
You think you know that
You think you know this
You think you know everything
You take advantage
You take for granted...
You didn't have what it takes
When will this shit ever end?! 
...
I was just nineteen and so naive...
You think that I don't want to hate you
This is not another passing phase
Stay away
I never want to see your face
Forget my name
There's nothing you can do or say
...
Why do you tell me all these lies?
I don't want to leave my dreams behind
...
I loved you
You were all that I wanted
Then, I watched you
Turn into someone else :(
Well I'm sick of the fighting
I'm sick of just blaming myself!!!
Siento el dolor
I don't want to know
I don't want to feel
I don't want to be
I don't want to sound crazy
...
When it cuts, it cuts, it cuts hard!!!
And I...
When it cuts, it cuts, it cuts hard
And I die again!!!
Though I'm right, I don't think I'll win this fight
But I'm trying though it's ripping me inside
Just in case that I'm taking up your space
I'll be feeling too, whatever's left inside
...
You think it's over, there's a gun in my head full of lead
I want to use it... (that's it!)
I cannot breathe
...
Why would I deny?
I don't have to lie
Was there something that I missed?
Well it's not this!
...
You think that you can get away
You little pig
Performing Fellatio
Basically, this is where it ends.
I gave you head, but you never figured out what's inside.
I swallowed a lot of cum,
but I just can't swallow your bullshit.
...
So, basically, this is where it ends.
|
It's not like I don't like my body, it's just that I like bones more... This is how I look now... I hope you like it! Anyway... Wish me luck! I'm planning on loosing 5 more pounds in the next few weeks! I'm still ok, healthy and stuff... That's the most important thing, eh?! There'll be more photos since I've got my camera back! currently: eating ice-cream (and some pill that I have to eat with food once a day, for my immune system that crashed a few weeks ago...) |
bone-o-philia
|
I'm unable to post my pics cause I've broken my cam. Sorry. :((( I hope it'll get fixed soon... Anyway, I'm eating almost normally now. By almost normally I mean - I eat something! But I'm jogging every day, walking a lot, doing situps, excercising and stuff... Sex is also good. It burns about 700 kcal per time... Don't ask me how, but I've even gained some weight - from 104 to 108 pounds 2 fucking pounds more surrounding my beautiful ribs... I believe in myself! I can do it! 90 pounds'll be here in no time! Stay good! *skin and bone* |
20.12.2006.
smoke
I'm looking at my reflection... Through the smoke of my mind I do not look pleasant to myself!
...
My boyfriend has called three times today. Asking how I was, have I eaten sth...?!
He seemed worried somehow.
Don't worry, baby. I'm doing fine. Just f.i.n.e. ...
*skin and bone*
I hate Them. Calling me names. I dress in somewhat baggy clothes so that my ribs don't show all that much. I love my ribs.
Soon... I'll get a camera and you'll be able to see them for yourselves!
19.12.2006.
Justify My Misery
I miss my body. I miss my love. I miss my heart. I miss my soul. I miss my feelings... I miss my Brother.
You have the most beautiful body my fingers have ever touched... Yet, I'm not satisfied...
...
The painkillers help. But only for a short period of time. The headaches are tearing me into little pieces. I can't sleep, think or live normally. Mommy, help me!
I don't want to go to my doctor, I know what she would do:
Take the pink ones if you do not feel good, take the blue ones if you need to calm down and the white ones are for your sleeping problems.
My boyfriend doesn't help. He tries, though...
My friends argue like I'm not even there; She's stupid, she's to blame!
I'm really doing my best to help me get through this, but I can't do it on my own!
Leave Her!
And maybe She will...
*skin and bone*
I ate a lot today. I feel sick.
09.12.2006.
Anorexia Nervosa
*no food tastes as good as punishment feels*
They call Her Anorexia Nervosa. I'm not quite sure if I know what She is or even is She my friend or my enemy... Or do I have a completely different disorder...?!
I do not feel any hunger, but I know I must eat to survive... So I try... And most of my efforts are just in vain. I ate an apple a few days ago and got sick. I thaught maybe I got sick because the apple was bad?! so I tried with some bread - still nothing... I drink a lot of water, vitamins and I really try to eat. I really, really try to eat. But She just won't let me! Yesterday I got sick by only smelling the stentch of a pizza my friend was eating in the nearby room.
I'm constantly cold, my hands are like ice, I'm always thirsty and my throat feels like it's filled with thousands of knives. I'm weak and always sleepy.
Hunger? No hunger. And even if I do eat - the food is evil and tasteless...
*sticks and stones can break her bones
but calling her names can make her starve herself to death*
What is wrong with me?
I broke up with my girlfriend a week ago. I'm not in love anymore. I do not feel anything. I'm empty. Broken from the inside. I feel like I don't belong. I don't even need sex anymore...
I feel like a doll that has been played with, broken and left in the toy box that nobody even opens anymore. A hollow, old, plastic doll surrounded by new ones - but they can't help me because they never leave my box, anyway!
Timmy: Mommy, my doll is broken!
Mother: Throw it away!
*But I love her, I don't want to... I'll just put her in this box that I use for the toys I don't like...*
...
Me, the broken doll: Help me! I do not belong here!
All the other toys: Don't worry, we'll get help!
*But noone ever opens this box...?!*
*skin and bone*
I hope I'll still be here tomorrow, full and healthy!
26.08.2006.
Digital Bath
You move like I want to
to see like Your eyes do
we are downstairs where
no one can see
new life break away
tonight I feel like more
tonight I...
You make the water warm
You taste foreign
and I know You can see
the cord break away
cause tonight I feel like more
tonight I feel like more
tonight I feel...
feel like more!
You breathed
then You stopped
I breathed then dried You off
and tonight
I feel like more
tonight...
by Deftones
Tonight
I'll give You myself...
To fill
or
to kill...
The choice is Yours!
Is it love
or just sex?
Who decides?
...
You?!
22.08.2006.
TRUCE
You can have Washington, I'll take New Jersey.
You can have London but I want New York City.
I should get Providence, I've got a job now?!
Los Angeles - obvious - that's where You belong now...
You can have Africa, Asia, Australia...
As long as You keep your hands off Cafe Pamplona!
We can split Germany right down the middle!
You'd hate it there anyway,
Take Berlin and we'll call it even.
And if we find out that we have any children
We'll trade them off summers and alternating weekends.
You call it over and I call You psycho!
Significant other?! Just say we were lovers
And we'll call it even!
I am the ground zero ex-friend You ordered
Disgused as a hero to get past Your borders...
I know when I'm wanted, I'll leave if You ask me to!
Mind my own business and speak when I'm spoken to!
I am the tower around which You orbited...
I am not proud, I am just taking orders!
I fall to the groud within hours of impact!
I hit back when hit!!!
And attack when attacked!!!
... ...
You get Route 2 between Concord and Lexington,
I want Mass Ave from the sqaure to my apartment.
And if we should meet through some misunderstanding
I'll be very sweet, very patient and forgiving...
(Now get off my side of the state!)
And if we should see one another in passing,
Despite these techniques, there is sometimes no avoiding...
(There must be some kind of mistake?!)
We'll raise high the white flags and bow heads and shake hands
Declaring the land we're on unamerican!
We'll call it even!
... ...
I am an accident waiting to happen!
I'm laughing like mad while You strangle the captain!
My place may be taken, but make no mistake!
From a little black black box I can say without shame
That You've lost!
Do You know what You've lost?
So take whatever You'd like!
I'll strike like the States on fire!!!
You won't sleep very tight!
No hiding!
No safe covers!
Make Your bed and now lie
Just like you always do!
You can fake it for the papers but I'm on to You...!
The Dresden Dolls
Is this the way You imagined it to be?
Is this the correct version of Your truce?
Are You happy now that I'm polite?
Never again... Nevermore...
And You keep on stabbing my back
Even now that We're already dead...
...
Amanda, You're telling me a fairy-tale...!
24.06.2006.
smile over tears
Looking back on everything
With a smile over tears
What can I say but I'm sorry?
As time takes by
I don't see why should I try, anymore...
Well, I guess this is goodbye
There was a time when I believed in what I said
Once, I believed that what I do will show who I am
Now-all I can say is that I'm not sure of anything
Just wondering
And hoping that the truth won't turn into a lie
If sometimes I fall
Something keeps on pulling me further down...
Something's strugglin' deep inside of me
Like my memories are trying to break free
Like a history-don't want to be forgotten
It's so clear but I can't see
As time was standing still
I found myself thinkin' of you-again
Looking over your shoulder-do you see
I'm being victimised by your rality?
Don't you realize you're pullin' me down with you?!
Constantly, determent not ot be
Caught in the middle of this
Close but far away
Like damned
Sick and tired of lies
I am STILL!
19.06.2006.
Ill Nino~Confesion (all mixed up)
You always think that you are right...
This page will turn and you'll regret it
Everything you ever promised to not do you did
How could you let us split in two?!
I was just another game so fuck you!
...
You think you're so right
You think you know that
You think you know this
You think you know everything
You take advantage
You take for granted...
You didn't have what it takes
When will this shit ever end?!
...
I was just nineteen and so naive...
You think that I don't want to hate you
This is not another passing phase
Stay away
I never want to see your face
Forget my name
There's nothing you can do or say
...
Why do you tell me all these lies?
I don't want to leave my dreams behind
...
I loved you
You were all that I wanted
Then, I watched you
Turn into someone else :(
Well I'm sick of the fighting
I'm sick of just blaming myself!!!
Siento el dolor
I don't want to know
I don't want to feel
I don't want to be
I don't want to sound crazy
...
When it cuts, it cuts, it cuts hard!!!
And I...
When it cuts, it cuts, it cuts hard
And I die again!!!
Though I'm right, I don't think I'll win this fight
But I'm trying though it's ripping me inside
Just in case that I'm taking up your space
I'll be feeling too, whatever's left inside
...
You think it's over, there's a gun in my head full of lead
I want to use it... (that's it!)
I cannot breathe
...
Why would I deny?
I don't have to lie
Was there something that I missed?
Well it's not this!
...
You think that you can get away
You little pig
Performing Fellatio
Basically, this is where it ends.
I gave you head, but you never figured out what's inside.
I swallowed a lot of cum,
but I just can't swallow your bullshit.
...
So, basically, this is where it ends.
|
I'm looking at my reflection... Through the smoke of my mind I do not look pleasant to myself! ... My boyfriend has called three times today. Asking how I was, have I eaten sth...?! He seemed worried somehow. Don't worry, baby. I'm doing fine. Just f.i.n.e. ... *skin and bone* I hate Them. Calling me names. I dress in somewhat baggy clothes so that my ribs don't show all that much. I love my ribs. Soon... I'll get a camera and you'll be able to see them for yourselves! |
Justify My Misery
|
I miss my body. I miss my love. I miss my heart. I miss my soul. I miss my feelings... I miss my Brother. You have the most beautiful body my fingers have ever touched... Yet, I'm not satisfied... ... The painkillers help. But only for a short period of time. The headaches are tearing me into little pieces. I can't sleep, think or live normally. Mommy, help me! I don't want to go to my doctor, I know what she would do: Take the pink ones if you do not feel good, take the blue ones if you need to calm down and the white ones are for your sleeping problems. My boyfriend doesn't help. He tries, though... My friends argue like I'm not even there; She's stupid, she's to blame! I'm really doing my best to help me get through this, but I can't do it on my own! Leave Her! And maybe She will... *skin and bone* I ate a lot today. I feel sick. |
09.12.2006.
Anorexia Nervosa
*no food tastes as good as punishment feels*
They call Her Anorexia Nervosa. I'm not quite sure if I know what She is or even is She my friend or my enemy... Or do I have a completely different disorder...?!
I do not feel any hunger, but I know I must eat to survive... So I try... And most of my efforts are just in vain. I ate an apple a few days ago and got sick. I thaught maybe I got sick because the apple was bad?! so I tried with some bread - still nothing... I drink a lot of water, vitamins and I really try to eat. I really, really try to eat. But She just won't let me! Yesterday I got sick by only smelling the stentch of a pizza my friend was eating in the nearby room.
I'm constantly cold, my hands are like ice, I'm always thirsty and my throat feels like it's filled with thousands of knives. I'm weak and always sleepy.
Hunger? No hunger. And even if I do eat - the food is evil and tasteless...
*sticks and stones can break her bones
but calling her names can make her starve herself to death*
What is wrong with me?
I broke up with my girlfriend a week ago. I'm not in love anymore. I do not feel anything. I'm empty. Broken from the inside. I feel like I don't belong. I don't even need sex anymore...
I feel like a doll that has been played with, broken and left in the toy box that nobody even opens anymore. A hollow, old, plastic doll surrounded by new ones - but they can't help me because they never leave my box, anyway!
Timmy: Mommy, my doll is broken!
Mother: Throw it away!
*But I love her, I don't want to... I'll just put her in this box that I use for the toys I don't like...*
...
Me, the broken doll: Help me! I do not belong here!
All the other toys: Don't worry, we'll get help!
*But noone ever opens this box...?!*
*skin and bone*
I hope I'll still be here tomorrow, full and healthy!
26.08.2006.
Digital Bath
You move like I want to
to see like Your eyes do
we are downstairs where
no one can see
new life break away
tonight I feel like more
tonight I...
You make the water warm
You taste foreign
and I know You can see
the cord break away
cause tonight I feel like more
tonight I feel like more
tonight I feel...
feel like more!
You breathed
then You stopped
I breathed then dried You off
and tonight
I feel like more
tonight...
by Deftones
Tonight
I'll give You myself...
To fill
or
to kill...
The choice is Yours!
Is it love
or just sex?
Who decides?
...
You?!
22.08.2006.
TRUCE
You can have Washington, I'll take New Jersey.
You can have London but I want New York City.
I should get Providence, I've got a job now?!
Los Angeles - obvious - that's where You belong now...
You can have Africa, Asia, Australia...
As long as You keep your hands off Cafe Pamplona!
We can split Germany right down the middle!
You'd hate it there anyway,
Take Berlin and we'll call it even.
And if we find out that we have any children
We'll trade them off summers and alternating weekends.
You call it over and I call You psycho!
Significant other?! Just say we were lovers
And we'll call it even!
I am the ground zero ex-friend You ordered
Disgused as a hero to get past Your borders...
I know when I'm wanted, I'll leave if You ask me to!
Mind my own business and speak when I'm spoken to!
I am the tower around which You orbited...
I am not proud, I am just taking orders!
I fall to the groud within hours of impact!
I hit back when hit!!!
And attack when attacked!!!
... ...
You get Route 2 between Concord and Lexington,
I want Mass Ave from the sqaure to my apartment.
And if we should meet through some misunderstanding
I'll be very sweet, very patient and forgiving...
(Now get off my side of the state!)
And if we should see one another in passing,
Despite these techniques, there is sometimes no avoiding...
(There must be some kind of mistake?!)
We'll raise high the white flags and bow heads and shake hands
Declaring the land we're on unamerican!
We'll call it even!
... ...
I am an accident waiting to happen!
I'm laughing like mad while You strangle the captain!
My place may be taken, but make no mistake!
From a little black black box I can say without shame
That You've lost!
Do You know what You've lost?
So take whatever You'd like!
I'll strike like the States on fire!!!
You won't sleep very tight!
No hiding!
No safe covers!
Make Your bed and now lie
Just like you always do!
You can fake it for the papers but I'm on to You...!
The Dresden Dolls
Is this the way You imagined it to be?
Is this the correct version of Your truce?
Are You happy now that I'm polite?
Never again... Nevermore...
And You keep on stabbing my back
Even now that We're already dead...
...
Amanda, You're telling me a fairy-tale...!
24.06.2006.
smile over tears
Looking back on everything
With a smile over tears
What can I say but I'm sorry?
As time takes by
I don't see why should I try, anymore...
Well, I guess this is goodbye
There was a time when I believed in what I said
Once, I believed that what I do will show who I am
Now-all I can say is that I'm not sure of anything
Just wondering
And hoping that the truth won't turn into a lie
If sometimes I fall
Something keeps on pulling me further down...
Something's strugglin' deep inside of me
Like my memories are trying to break free
Like a history-don't want to be forgotten
It's so clear but I can't see
As time was standing still
I found myself thinkin' of you-again
Looking over your shoulder-do you see
I'm being victimised by your rality?
Don't you realize you're pullin' me down with you?!
Constantly, determent not ot be
Caught in the middle of this
Close but far away
Like damned
Sick and tired of lies
I am STILL!
19.06.2006.
Ill Nino~Confesion (all mixed up)
You always think that you are right...
This page will turn and you'll regret it
Everything you ever promised to not do you did
How could you let us split in two?!
I was just another game so fuck you!
...
You think you're so right
You think you know that
You think you know this
You think you know everything
You take advantage
You take for granted...
You didn't have what it takes
When will this shit ever end?!
...
I was just nineteen and so naive...
You think that I don't want to hate you
This is not another passing phase
Stay away
I never want to see your face
Forget my name
There's nothing you can do or say
...
Why do you tell me all these lies?
I don't want to leave my dreams behind
...
I loved you
You were all that I wanted
Then, I watched you
Turn into someone else :(
Well I'm sick of the fighting
I'm sick of just blaming myself!!!
Siento el dolor
I don't want to know
I don't want to feel
I don't want to be
I don't want to sound crazy
...
When it cuts, it cuts, it cuts hard!!!
And I...
When it cuts, it cuts, it cuts hard
And I die again!!!
Though I'm right, I don't think I'll win this fight
But I'm trying though it's ripping me inside
Just in case that I'm taking up your space
I'll be feeling too, whatever's left inside
...
You think it's over, there's a gun in my head full of lead
I want to use it... (that's it!)
I cannot breathe
...
Why would I deny?
I don't have to lie
Was there something that I missed?
Well it's not this!
...
You think that you can get away
You little pig
Performing Fellatio
Basically, this is where it ends.
I gave you head, but you never figured out what's inside.
I swallowed a lot of cum,
but I just can't swallow your bullshit.
...
So, basically, this is where it ends.
|
*no food tastes as good as punishment feels* They call Her Anorexia Nervosa. I'm not quite sure if I know what She is or even is She my friend or my enemy... Or do I have a completely different disorder...?! I do not feel any hunger, but I know I must eat to survive... So I try... And most of my efforts are just in vain. I ate an apple a few days ago and got sick. I thaught maybe I got sick because the apple was bad?! so I tried with some bread - still nothing... I drink a lot of water, vitamins and I really try to eat. I really, really try to eat. But She just won't let me! Yesterday I got sick by only smelling the stentch of a pizza my friend was eating in the nearby room. I'm constantly cold, my hands are like ice, I'm always thirsty and my throat feels like it's filled with thousands of knives. I'm weak and always sleepy. Hunger? No hunger. And even if I do eat - the food is evil and tasteless... *sticks and stones can break her bones but calling her names can make her starve herself to death* What is wrong with me? I broke up with my girlfriend a week ago. I'm not in love anymore. I do not feel anything. I'm empty. Broken from the inside. I feel like I don't belong. I don't even need sex anymore... I feel like a doll that has been played with, broken and left in the toy box that nobody even opens anymore. A hollow, old, plastic doll surrounded by new ones - but they can't help me because they never leave my box, anyway! Timmy: Mommy, my doll is broken! Mother: Throw it away! *But I love her, I don't want to... I'll just put her in this box that I use for the toys I don't like...* ... Me, the broken doll: Help me! I do not belong here! All the other toys: Don't worry, we'll get help! *But noone ever opens this box...?!* *skin and bone* I hope I'll still be here tomorrow, full and healthy! |
Digital Bath
|
You move like I want to to see like Your eyes do we are downstairs where no one can see new life break away tonight I feel like more tonight I... You make the water warm You taste foreign and I know You can see the cord break away cause tonight I feel like more tonight I feel like more tonight I feel... feel like more! You breathed then You stopped I breathed then dried You off and tonight I feel like more tonight... by Deftones Tonight I'll give You myself... To fill or to kill... The choice is Yours! Is it love or just sex? Who decides? ... You?! |
22.08.2006.
TRUCE
You can have Washington, I'll take New Jersey.
You can have London but I want New York City.
I should get Providence, I've got a job now?!
Los Angeles - obvious - that's where You belong now...
You can have Africa, Asia, Australia...
As long as You keep your hands off Cafe Pamplona!
We can split Germany right down the middle!
You'd hate it there anyway,
Take Berlin and we'll call it even.
And if we find out that we have any children
We'll trade them off summers and alternating weekends.
You call it over and I call You psycho!
Significant other?! Just say we were lovers
And we'll call it even!
I am the ground zero ex-friend You ordered
Disgused as a hero to get past Your borders...
I know when I'm wanted, I'll leave if You ask me to!
Mind my own business and speak when I'm spoken to!
I am the tower around which You orbited...
I am not proud, I am just taking orders!
I fall to the groud within hours of impact!
I hit back when hit!!!
And attack when attacked!!!
... ...
You get Route 2 between Concord and Lexington,
I want Mass Ave from the sqaure to my apartment.
And if we should meet through some misunderstanding
I'll be very sweet, very patient and forgiving...
(Now get off my side of the state!)
And if we should see one another in passing,
Despite these techniques, there is sometimes no avoiding...
(There must be some kind of mistake?!)
We'll raise high the white flags and bow heads and shake hands
Declaring the land we're on unamerican!
We'll call it even!
... ...
I am an accident waiting to happen!
I'm laughing like mad while You strangle the captain!
My place may be taken, but make no mistake!
From a little black black box I can say without shame
That You've lost!
Do You know what You've lost?
So take whatever You'd like!
I'll strike like the States on fire!!!
You won't sleep very tight!
No hiding!
No safe covers!
Make Your bed and now lie
Just like you always do!
You can fake it for the papers but I'm on to You...!
The Dresden Dolls
Is this the way You imagined it to be?
Is this the correct version of Your truce?
Are You happy now that I'm polite?
Never again... Nevermore...
And You keep on stabbing my back
Even now that We're already dead...
...
Amanda, You're telling me a fairy-tale...!
24.06.2006.
smile over tears
Looking back on everything
With a smile over tears
What can I say but I'm sorry?
As time takes by
I don't see why should I try, anymore...
Well, I guess this is goodbye
There was a time when I believed in what I said
Once, I believed that what I do will show who I am
Now-all I can say is that I'm not sure of anything
Just wondering
And hoping that the truth won't turn into a lie
If sometimes I fall
Something keeps on pulling me further down...
Something's strugglin' deep inside of me
Like my memories are trying to break free
Like a history-don't want to be forgotten
It's so clear but I can't see
As time was standing still
I found myself thinkin' of you-again
Looking over your shoulder-do you see
I'm being victimised by your rality?
Don't you realize you're pullin' me down with you?!
Constantly, determent not ot be
Caught in the middle of this
Close but far away
Like damned
Sick and tired of lies
I am STILL!
19.06.2006.
Ill Nino~Confesion (all mixed up)
You always think that you are right...
This page will turn and you'll regret it
Everything you ever promised to not do you did
How could you let us split in two?!
I was just another game so fuck you!
...
You think you're so right
You think you know that
You think you know this
You think you know everything
You take advantage
You take for granted...
You didn't have what it takes
When will this shit ever end?!
...
I was just nineteen and so naive...
You think that I don't want to hate you
This is not another passing phase
Stay away
I never want to see your face
Forget my name
There's nothing you can do or say
...
Why do you tell me all these lies?
I don't want to leave my dreams behind
...
I loved you
You were all that I wanted
Then, I watched you
Turn into someone else :(
Well I'm sick of the fighting
I'm sick of just blaming myself!!!
Siento el dolor
I don't want to know
I don't want to feel
I don't want to be
I don't want to sound crazy
...
When it cuts, it cuts, it cuts hard!!!
And I...
When it cuts, it cuts, it cuts hard
And I die again!!!
Though I'm right, I don't think I'll win this fight
But I'm trying though it's ripping me inside
Just in case that I'm taking up your space
I'll be feeling too, whatever's left inside
...
You think it's over, there's a gun in my head full of lead
I want to use it... (that's it!)
I cannot breathe
...
Why would I deny?
I don't have to lie
Was there something that I missed?
Well it's not this!
...
You think that you can get away
You little pig
Performing Fellatio
Basically, this is where it ends.
I gave you head, but you never figured out what's inside.
I swallowed a lot of cum,
but I just can't swallow your bullshit.
...
So, basically, this is where it ends.
|
You can have Washington, I'll take New Jersey. You can have London but I want New York City. I should get Providence, I've got a job now?! Los Angeles - obvious - that's where You belong now... You can have Africa, Asia, Australia... As long as You keep your hands off Cafe Pamplona! We can split Germany right down the middle! You'd hate it there anyway, Take Berlin and we'll call it even. And if we find out that we have any children We'll trade them off summers and alternating weekends. You call it over and I call You psycho! Significant other?! Just say we were lovers And we'll call it even! I am the ground zero ex-friend You ordered Disgused as a hero to get past Your borders... I know when I'm wanted, I'll leave if You ask me to! Mind my own business and speak when I'm spoken to! I am the tower around which You orbited... I am not proud, I am just taking orders! I fall to the groud within hours of impact! I hit back when hit!!! And attack when attacked!!! ... ...You get Route 2 between Concord and Lexington, I want Mass Ave from the sqaure to my apartment. And if we should meet through some misunderstanding I'll be very sweet, very patient and forgiving... (Now get off my side of the state!) And if we should see one another in passing, Despite these techniques, there is sometimes no avoiding... (There must be some kind of mistake?!) We'll raise high the white flags and bow heads and shake hands Declaring the land we're on unamerican! We'll call it even! ... ...I am an accident waiting to happen! I'm laughing like mad while You strangle the captain! My place may be taken, but make no mistake! From a little black black box I can say without shame That You've lost! Do You know what You've lost? So take whatever You'd like! I'll strike like the States on fire!!! You won't sleep very tight! No hiding! No safe covers! Make Your bed and now lie Just like you always do! You can fake it for the papers but I'm on to You...! The Dresden Dolls Is this the way You imagined it to be? Is this the correct version of Your truce? Are You happy now that I'm polite? Never again... Nevermore... And You keep on stabbing my back Even now that We're already dead... ... Amanda, You're telling me a fairy-tale...! |
smile over tears
|
Looking back on everything With a smile over tears What can I say but I'm sorry? As time takes by I don't see why should I try, anymore... Well, I guess this is goodbye There was a time when I believed in what I said Once, I believed that what I do will show who I am Now-all I can say is that I'm not sure of anything Just wondering And hoping that the truth won't turn into a lie If sometimes I fall Something keeps on pulling me further down... Something's strugglin' deep inside of me Like my memories are trying to break free Like a history-don't want to be forgotten It's so clear but I can't see As time was standing still I found myself thinkin' of you-again Looking over your shoulder-do you see I'm being victimised by your rality? Don't you realize you're pullin' me down with you?! Constantly, determent not ot be Caught in the middle of this Close but far away Like damned Sick and tired of lies I am STILL! |
19.06.2006.
Ill Nino~Confesion (all mixed up)
You always think that you are right...
This page will turn and you'll regret it
Everything you ever promised to not do you did
How could you let us split in two?!
I was just another game so fuck you!
...
You think you're so right
You think you know that
You think you know this
You think you know everything
You take advantage
You take for granted...
You didn't have what it takes
When will this shit ever end?!
...
I was just nineteen and so naive...
You think that I don't want to hate you
This is not another passing phase
Stay away
I never want to see your face
Forget my name
There's nothing you can do or say
...
Why do you tell me all these lies?
I don't want to leave my dreams behind
...
I loved you
You were all that I wanted
Then, I watched you
Turn into someone else :(
Well I'm sick of the fighting
I'm sick of just blaming myself!!!
Siento el dolor
I don't want to know
I don't want to feel
I don't want to be
I don't want to sound crazy
...
When it cuts, it cuts, it cuts hard!!!
And I...
When it cuts, it cuts, it cuts hard
And I die again!!!
Though I'm right, I don't think I'll win this fight
But I'm trying though it's ripping me inside
Just in case that I'm taking up your space
I'll be feeling too, whatever's left inside
...
You think it's over, there's a gun in my head full of lead
I want to use it... (that's it!)
I cannot breathe
...
Why would I deny?
I don't have to lie
Was there something that I missed?
Well it's not this!
...
You think that you can get away
You little pig
Performing Fellatio
Basically, this is where it ends.
I gave you head, but you never figured out what's inside.
I swallowed a lot of cum,
but I just can't swallow your bullshit.
...
So, basically, this is where it ends.
|
You always think that you are right... This page will turn and you'll regret it Everything you ever promised to not do you did How could you let us split in two?! I was just another game so fuck you! ... You think you're so right You think you know that You think you know this You think you know everything You take advantage You take for granted... You didn't have what it takes When will this shit ever end?! ... I was just nineteen and so naive... You think that I don't want to hate you This is not another passing phase Stay away I never want to see your face Forget my name There's nothing you can do or say ... Why do you tell me all these lies? I don't want to leave my dreams behind ... I loved you You were all that I wanted Then, I watched you Turn into someone else :( Well I'm sick of the fighting I'm sick of just blaming myself!!! Siento el dolor I don't want to know I don't want to feel I don't want to be I don't want to sound crazy ... When it cuts, it cuts, it cuts hard!!! And I... When it cuts, it cuts, it cuts hard And I die again!!! Though I'm right, I don't think I'll win this fight But I'm trying though it's ripping me inside Just in case that I'm taking up your space I'll be feeling too, whatever's left inside ... You think it's over, there's a gun in my head full of lead I want to use it... (that's it!) I cannot breathe ... Why would I deny? I don't have to lie Was there something that I missed? Well it's not this! ... You think that you can get away You little pig |
|
Basically, this is where it ends. I gave you head, but you never figured out what's inside. I swallowed a lot of cum, but I just can't swallow your bullshit. ... So, basically, this is where it ends. |